i'm still scared of the dark

i slept with a dampened light for several days and why i continue w/ it

There’s something that festers in the dark corners of the hours.
Along with the whites of my eyes…there’s always a glisten when it becomes time for bed.

A final countdown, your head hits a comfy pillow only you, yourself—can enjoy.
And drifting off is as smooth as a breeze.

I do not know anyone who’s sleep is like that, actually.

Maybe someone fictional—like in those stories you would read before bed.
But in slumber?
There lies this, different story.

Lately,
I’ve been terrified of the dark,
I’m scared of what it brings.
What it is?
Where is it.
Who it brings…
How,

Can I Ever Get This Sleep.

I have cocktails of medication I’m tired of…there’s always more to try but,
Nothing sobering enough to take a bite out of my frame.
Bucking every known substance.
Battling with every wink of sleep.
Still why,

Am I so afraid of the dark.

The dark answers prayers, it uplifts a menial spirit, and plunges it towards the abyss. Some avoid,
Others’ head on with delight.
There’s ancients in those realms,
believing in it is half the battle.

I feel knots that twist when I get so restless, those whites in my eyes—deepen.
Forgiveness,
Projection,
Old soil—livens me up, these days.

I always wondered where my subconscious goes in sleep,
And if I had to guess,

It stays in battle, until I feel this—divine feminine,

It loosens me up,
it sways my ego, it holds me so tight—through the spasmatic kin I find in most dreams.
And even in my most lonesome hours, I wade in the pools down under until my spear guides me back to surface—first for air.

Next in how to better prepare, again.
Plunge again, meet a maker, or two.
Anything to remind me of myself,
For there’s no plan, or dissertation.
Methodology, or clause.

Down-under is no fate.
Maybe only with acclimation.

Choose love, regardless.
Then watch the wind take it—you?

-alice

xoxo